Some people asked me for a copy of what I said yesterday at Grandma's funeral so here it is:
What does one say about Grandma? There are so many stories and memories that I have and want to share today but there isn’t enough time to go through them all. I do want to try and tell just a few of the thoughts that have been going through my head over the past 24 hours.
As I have thought about what to focus on here I keep coming back to one thing – what do I want my kids to remember about “Grandma in Wilmington”. They are too young to be in here with us today, but I hope at some point in the future while looking at pictures and videos of the family when they see Grandma and want to hear stories about her they will get a chance to read this speech and get a sense of who she really was to go along with the memories of their young childhood.
Grandma was truly the matriarch of our family. Always taking care of everyone and worried that you didn’t have everything that you needed. I can not remember a single time when I visited as a child that I walked out of the house empty handed, whether I wanted to or not. From clothes, toys, food or some random piece of furniture she found on sale, tax free at Happy Harry’s, she made sure you left with something that you would benefit from. Even when she would come to Baltimore as soon as the hugs and kisses were through the next thing you would hear was “Alex, get the bags from the car.” Grandpa would bring in 5 or 6 shopping bags full of stuff that Grandma had picked up “Just in case anyone could use one of these”
Grandma liked nice things. She always made sure that not only did she have them but that everyone around her did as well and that brought her more happiness than anything else. I remember when we bought our house she was adamant that she come by and see it as soon as possible. She wanted to make sure that it was a place that would make us happy and of course to offer suggestions on how to make it even better. As I think back to every piece of advice that Grandma ever gave me I realize that they are all practical and true. That was Grandma’s personality – be practical and true to yourself and to all of those around you.
Grandma’s practicality would always come with a lesson. Why throw away perfectly good wrapping paper or a card when it could be used again. Everything had a value and that value was something that she would see long after other people may have discarded it. When Deena was 14 Grandma gave her this book called “Things your mother always told you but you didn’t want to hear” It’s full of advice for living life. Of course what was in the book didn’t cover everything so Grandma made some additions of her own. Taped into the end of the book are and additional 15 points titled “Deena’s Grandma Anne Says”. These included many of the gems that truly defined Grandmas approach to life such as “In order to have good friends you have to be a good friend”, “Always buy on Sales – the money you save is always better in your pocket than in Mr Macy’s pocket”, and “Always buy a house on the sunny side of the street where the sun in the late afternoon is in the front. In that way your kitchen won’t be too hot to make supper”. Again, Grandma was always thinking about the practical side of things.
My favorite time of year as a kid was always during the summer. Of course every child you ask would say that this is so but I had a special reason for it. It was during the summer that I would get the chance to join Grandma and Grandpa in Cape May. Spending time with them at the beach was always so relaxing and peaceful. At least one time during the trip (or more if I could convince them) we would do the drive over to Wildwood and I would get to go on all of the rides. While Grandma was never excited about it, she would always go on whatever crazy ride I wanted to be on because it would make me happy and I of course was terrified to do it alone. Then of course was the time we went to DisneyWorld and I convinced her to go on Space Mountain with me. While she may not have known what she was getting herself into when she agreed to ride with me and Shimmy, she once told me many years later that she was glad to have done it because it was with us.
She loved being a grandmother but loved being a great-grandmother even more. She was blessed with 5 super cute and super rambunctious great-grandchildren. When her health started to decline I would worry every time we would visit that the kids would be too much for her, would tire her out, but each and every time she would prove me wrong. The smile on her face when she would have the kids around is one that I will remember forever. And the pride with which she would show them off to her friends was overflowing. Anyone who has known her knows that she loved pictures. If we had gone too long without sending recent pictures we could always expect to hear about it the next time we talked. “What am I supposed to show my friends when I go to get my hair done” she would ask me. When we all got together last year for Grandma and Grandpa’s anniversary party it was evident how she delighted in showing all of us off to her friends who had gathered from all over for the milestone event.
Yesterday after we got the phone calls the grandchildren traded phone calls with one another and as I spoke with Shana, Deena, and Shimmy everyone seemed to have the same thought – how lucky we have been for the past five years to have had Grandma with us when everyone was telling us to say goodbye. Well Grandma was never one to do something just because that is what she was told she should do and she hung on to not only see Shalva and Yaakov grow to take after her in their intelligence, good looks, and not to mention stubbornness, but also to get to know Leah, Isaac, and Shlomo. While it may have been difficult to get there the joy on her face at both Isaac and Shlomo’s bris was something we will always treasure. Shana and Stuart visited on Sunday and they told me today how lucky they were to see how Grandma reacted as Isaac was sitting next to her bed.
Yesterday it was time for Grandma to say goodbye to us and today we all gather to remember the life of an amazing person. Just as it was when I was a kid I know that as I leave here today and say goodbye I will not be leaving empty-handed. The wonderful memories of Grandma inspire me and hopefully G-D willing will inspire my kids for the rest of our lives.
Number 15 in this book reads “Your Grandma loves you today, tomorrow, and always and forever” – Grandma, we love you always and forever.
Rachi,
Your words were beautiful and helped paint a picture for those of us who weren't fortunate enough to know the Grandma that the rest of you remember. However, regardless of when we met her, we will all miss her and remember how special a person she was.
See you tonight.
Love,
Batsheva